A rare occasion...

Here I am again...9 months later.  The time it takes to grow & deliver a baby.  Have I grown and delivered anything?  Or am I still in gestation?  First trimester?  Second?  Ready to push?  Some days sort of feel like the pushing thing.  Ready to go but the doctor isn't here yet and the nurse is not wanting to deliver on her own.  Maybe it has to do with the weather.  It has taken a long time to summer up and this week is nothing like summer.  Or maybe it is the routine of days.  Or maybe it is this new phase of life...I have no idea if it is really hot or cold in the room.  One minute it feels fine, the next I am "glowing", and the next I am putting on my jacket because I am freezing.  And I am getting a good workout in my arm muscles as I throw the covers off & on throughout the night hours.  I DO NOT miss the monthly routine so this seems like an OK tradeoff but I thought to myself the other day "It could be a loooooong summer".  But no complaining, I have waited for summer since Feb. 1.  My friend asked me if I had to take anything and I said no and she said what about the mood swings and I laughed because I realized I am not suffering from that particular malady.  I had them worse one day every month before.  JOY!!

It sort of seems to go with the theme of the Beth Moore conference we recently attended:
...throw of everything that hinders us and run the race...
she said, You cannot live your life unhurt, but you can live your life unhindered.
I like that.  And it seems like a standard to measure against when life circumstances come my way.  It seems like Jesus.  He was hurt.  But I do believe he was unhindered.  Can I be like that?  The word assures me I can.  Be like Jesus.  Really the only thing worth doing. 

What do you think?

I should do this more often...

I should post more. Not because someone is reading but just for myself and processing and keeping those brain cells functioning. A significant day today...32 yrs. married. Good grief!! How did that happen?!? Married to a Papa!! Did you ever imagine? He is different but the same. Somebody asked me about that and I said he just looks like himself to me. I sort of remember the 19-yr-old blond afro but really, he is just the one I look forward to seeing at the end of each day. And waking up to each morning. He brings me coffee. And kisses me goodbye. Everyday. Faithful, responsible, servant-hearted, fun, not a risk-taker, stable. It works. Some days he makes me crazy. But then I come back to myself and know it is all worth it. Wouldn't trade 32 yrs. So grateful for a fall evening and an introduction that would chart the course of a life together. Ever not happy your plane is late? Sometimes it leads to good things. Like 32 yrs. Today begins #33...

A short post...

It has been forever but so much has been happening...no, not true, well, yes true, but the real truth is winter---major hibernation---and like the earth itself I am awakening. Wow, really corny. Or I was awakening until the weather decided to regress and it is gloomy & rainy & my body is saying go home, snuggle under a quilt, sew a stitch, drink a tea, hunker down. Since January we have had so few days of sun & slight warmth that I think it will never get here. But there are flowers & blooms & buds & green fields that says it will arrive and there is hope for those days of warmth. And I have taken advantage--chomping on strawberries, grilling burgers and asparagus coated in olive oil, making my new fav Cowboy Caviar (I love chipping & dipping), pasta salad, potato salad, etc. etc. etc. Yes, I like food and what I love about the summer is there is much less a craving for sugar which I have had way too much of this winter. So, time to cut back, re-evaluate, savor the days and look for the designer in each one. And pray. For those in distress over rising water, for friends battling physically and emotionally, for family struggling thru uncertain times and transistions. So grateful for the ever-present help in times of trouble, joy unspeakable and a love that brings peace beyond understanding. Be blessed today.

a thought, or two...

I am wondering why this year seems different. No tree up yet, a few decorations out that were handy but most still stored in the garage, although I am enjoying the trees at the "office"--but why? Looking for cards to send but none seem just right. Son & wife arriving in 9 days and want to have it nice for them but still not overblown--why? I think, possibly, with the change of venue there is more of an awareness of the lost & forlorn & forgotten--myriads of phone calls and emails expressing basic needs & requests for support in greif, illness, loss of employment, financial setbacks etc. How to deal? I cannot save the world (that's already been done) and yet, there are things prepared for me to do. Do I recognize them? Or do I ignore them in favor of my own self-comfort? Gratitude certainly expressed to the one that has provided me life but am I listening? Sometimes I just think we need to be quiet and let the whisper become our reality.

Or, maybe, I am just old.

What do you think?

I don't know...

...but I do know I am going to PA & thoughts soar forward...things to do, each day to live (not just survive), until hugs & snuggles & giggles & cuddles, thank you, thank you, thank you,...what more do I need? Some day a gathering all together is the hope but content for now...

thoughts.....

It's Friday. The middle, did you hear me, the middle of October. Fall in the air & the end of another year in sight. I'm starting to hunker down with my blankie--hibernating until the sun returns. I fix dinner all summer at 8 or 9 pm & don't even think a thing about it. I made dinner 2 nights ago @ 7:30 and apologized for serving it so late and then I looked at the clock and said Oh! not late just dark. I am puttering and turning inward as the light wanes--when the time changes I will think it is bedtime by 6:30. Making pots of chili and pans of roasted veggies which are a welcome change from salads although by March I will be craving that fresh asparagus & farmer's market bounty.

I love the seasons and always think that I wouldn't want to live where the sun shines every day. I was disappointed actually when the weather forecast for the week didn't show any rain. But, to everything there is a season and so I will be content and thankful in the day and what it brings.

Three books--Christian Atheist, Radical & Forgotten God--read, read & reading which mess with my contentment and another I just bought because I like the title--Crave--& the cover & the chapter in the middle of the book begins with the line "I don't like people". So, must read and ponder.

A beautiful weekend looms--71 degrees, fall colors, no plans other than packing up the flip flops for another season, sewing a stitch or two, and enjoying a cool sunset. Next week will begin with saying goodbye to a beloved lady, mentor, & friend and so with that perspective I think I will enjoy the gift of each day.

Be blessed today.

almost August...

It's coming!!!! The end of summer, the beginning of school...oh, wait no more school for me, tee hee. As it looms for so many in some "tough" circumstances (let's face it, their circumstances are just not as tough as those starving in third-world nations or being trafficked across the world) I continue to pray that their character will shine thru even in the darkness. A city on a hill...today's verse...a reminder that there is so much more than those circumstances that loom so huge in our human view; circumstances when viewed thru the eyes of the Spirit that become pinpricks...(I know, I use too many ellipses, but don't you just love them......................................it gives such room for thought & comtemplation & perhaps revelation?) The boss has been gone all week & I have the place pretty much to myself with the occasional welcome encounter even tho some are unsettling, challenging me to look beyond myself to what is truth untainted. Ahhhh, do you see the light changing, heading south, bringing new things, bringing us ever closer? I am in love.......................

a whole new world....

So here I am in my new space. It is awesome. My heart sings, my feet dance, my spirit flies......who knew it would be so easy to go? Those other posts before this one? They seem but a distant memory and the closer it gets to the beginning of that other life the more freedom I feel. I will be praying that those left behind stand firm, start strong, extend grace and rely on the one source that can guide their way. As for me, I think I should schedule some vacation days during that first week but alas, not possible. I am in a whirlwind of learning new things, cleaning out old things, adjusting to a much more fluid environment. Good things--I have windows to see outside!! Heavenly!! I can wear flip-flops!! Blissful!! There is a pervading sense of selflessness!! Blessed!! And a peace that flows.....and coffee ;) Have a glorious day.

And so, the seasons change......

I am done. No longer coffee-break librarian (although sometimes I think librarian is a state of mind & processes) but onward to a new view of the horizon. Office manager, administrative assistant, secretary, bookkeeper, gatekeeper, counselor?, what? All of the above? At 50?!? Am I crazy????? No, I don't think so. A new job to match the rhythm of my heart. And not so much a job, but a call. Saying goodbye here is tough--co-workers who have become friends, friends both past & present who feel like family. A thousand memories--good & bad. Laughter & tears, smiles & fears, lip-syncing to Mamma Mia!, fighting for the right & the wrong, life & living, death & dying, etc., etc., etc. As the weather warms so does my heart. Time to end, time to begin. To every thing there is a season......Bye.

Life.....

is happening all around us. Good & bad, up & down, around & around & around. In my last post I said I was going to match the rhythm of my days to my heart & spirit. It's already Feb. & I don't feel like I have much success. Circumstances, earthquakes in Haiti, family & friends in crisis, all contribute to a mounting sense of it's out of control. And I realize, luckily for me, it is out of my hands and all I can do is pray, live by faith & do what I have been called to do. This life is difficult for everybody at one time or another and at any given moment it can be altered beyond recognition. And so, I am amending that statement to say I am going to match my heart & spirit to foundational truths whether I can see them in the moment or not. Faith shall be my guardian and with help love will hopefully be my response and I believe I will keep trying to leave the author of my story in charge of the pen. Blessings.

Oh my goodness...

I just discovered that somebody read my blog & I can't believe it. So now, I have to write. What to say? Oh yes, big news, I turned 50 this week and I feel like I have crossed over to a place where each day is a gift and the pace of life needs to match the rhythms of my heart and spirit. I'm not exactly sure what that means and how it will play out practically, but did you see that movie The Proposal? There is a scene where the mother is returning to the house and there are 75 people there for a welcome home party and she is deliberately just strolling across the dock in no hurry to make sure everyone is taken care of or the caterers are doing their jobs or whatever. She seems intent on just taking in and enjoying the moment. Can it be done? I think I intend to try. Don't you just love a creamy cup of coffee on a cool morning? I wrap my hands around the warm cup and breathe in the steam and the fragrance and take the first yummy sip........Thank you for simple blessings--let me not take them for granted and to remember the cost.

Back again.................

Wow, is it October almost November already? I can't even remember the last 5 months as they are nothing but a blur. I stumbled back onto this blog and thought, hmmmm, I should write something although I don't think anybody really reads it so I will just air my thoughts for the purpose of clearing my own cobwebs. Back to another school year that is going pretty well since I have decided to lay low for awhile and see what people do. Can they really figure it out on their own? Oh, I am still plenty visible and I never lose sight of making sure that I and my library are indispensable--tough economic times, you know. But, there are times when you have said all that can be said and you have done all that can be done and then the rest is up to the powers that be. May they choose wisely.
It's Red Ribbon week so we are wearing keys (Drug-free is the key) and sunglasses today (Too cool for drugs) and we get to wear our slippers tomorrow, I'm not sure why but who am I to argue wearing slippers? Especially since I am in a skirt and heels today.
Aren't the fall colors lovely? The cool air is a welcome respite from summer heat although it does mean winter is on the way, gloomy, icy, snowy, rainy, winter that I love for a while and coffee just is delightful on a winter morning and hot tea is lovely on a winter afternoon. 4 seasons are a blessing!! Off to lunch, I think I will pop over to the shoe store and check out their slipper collection for tomorrow.
Have a chocolate afternoon ;)

The end...............

And, so I am out of here. Until Monday at noon when I interview for a new position. Which could be interesting--should I go or should I stay? I love what I do but is it time to move on? Are their other opportunities and as things are minimized is this provision I didn't know I needed? On the other hand, 15 years in the same place can sometimes be tedious although my list of to-do's for next year is well begun. Not burned out but a willingness to (as a dear friend put it) lift my foot so that I may be planted. Summer looms with all its myriad possibilities--leisure, home projects, outdoor recreation, my parents' 50th with the whole family in attendance, and some days away, I hope. So here's to next year's coffee breaks wherever they may be..........................

Spring................

It has taken 3 months of winter blahs to come back but finally, the time has changed, the weather is trying to change and I have lightened my load by figuring out what I need to own and what doesn't belong to me I disown. So many times I get caught up on my soapbox and forget to leave it behind when I step down. Some things just are what they are and life is too short to choose minor battles. Ahhhhh, that feels better. And so, in these "troubled economic times" the uncertainty game could be played but I think I choose not to participate. My purpose is clear, the plans for me have been set in motion and I will choose that path. As we journey towards the end of the school year, I want to finish well and so be able to restart on a lighter note & with the wind of positive changes blowing. My new favorite middle school book? Peak by Roland Smith. A story of places & things foreign to the everyday & of selfless sacrifice and comtemplation of what is important in this mortal life. So refreshing. Thank you Mr. Smith. End of coffee-break (actually India Chai, yum. Did you see Slumdog Millionaire? Awesome.).......

December

It is that month when all should be merry & bright and I do have all that I need. But so many don't and it feels overwhelming as I cry over the news reports coming from Mumbai and Zimbabwe. I heard a commentator say that many in this country wonder if they have a reason to celebrate due to the receding economy and it broke my heart to think that we in America, the richest and most blessed nation in the world, could not find reasons to celebrate the very thing that this country was founded for and on. If I lose my job, I can go to the unemployment office and even tho I may not be able to buy the latest gadget to put under the Christmas tree the water will still probably run out of my faucet and clean water at that. If I can't find another job, there are a myriad of agencies I can apply to for help. If I or anyone I love is attacked by a devastating illness we have access to the best medical care albeit if we don't have insurance it will not be a pleasant experience and it could devastate us financially which sends me back to the agencies that are willing to help me survive. I have eaten my share of welfare cheese and drunk the powdered milk and shopped at the Goodwill when it wasn't in fashion but I have never lived on the streets and so am not an authority. I do have a job and health insurance although my grown children do not and it worries me until I remember where their security comes from. I am going home to my warm, modest home tonite and putting the wreath on my front door and the stockings on the mantle and some cute snowmen in the nooks and crannies. I will send pretty Christmas cards and bake delicious sugar cookies and watch all of the old Christmas movies and count myself one of the most blessed and richest people in the world. And how will I share my blessings and my wealth? Donating time and money, praying for those beyond my reach and praying for us all to share our resources. We all have something to give. A newsperson told Mother Teresa that all of her work in Kolkata was but a drop in an ocean of pain and sickness and she replied "yes, that is true but the ocean is made of drops" and I think if we all just address one drop it would make a tremendous difference. What does your drop look like and what will you do? Merry Christmas.

Thanksgiving

That word is a verb right? So, I am giving thanks for..........
A God who loves me
A husband who adores me
Children and their spouses that tolerate me
Grandchildren who delight me
Extended family that is a joy to me
Friends, church family and coworkers that support me
A home, a job, running water, heat, finances, food, clothes, sunshine, clouds, trees, flowers, sight, hearing, mobility, holidays, weekends, webcams to see my granddaughters, airline tickets to take me there, etc., etc., etc., etc.....................and the homemade chocolate chip cookie that I just ate with my coffee :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

twilight

I saw Edward the vampire on the Today show this morning. Hmmm........there were girls outside the studio with signs saying "Will you marry me?" I haven't read the books and don't intend to because vampires aren't really my thing. I sort of prefer men who get a little more sunlight and eat steak and potatoes. But, I wonder, can they separate fiction from reality and according to what I have heard, can they ever find a guy who can live up to the ideal of Edward? I guess I have forgotten what it is to be young and idealistic but the reality of our society is that divorce rates are up and it seems that if we marry the "vampire" and then he turns out to be a less than perfect mate we just dispose of that one and move on to the next. It has been a heartbreaking few years for me as I have watched the marriages of friends and family crumble around me and see the devastation it brings to people and their children. Are we teaching our kids to separate fiction and reality? What about the 8 year old in Arizona who killed his father? Did he grasp the reality of picking up a gun and firing it? Or did he think it was like a video game? Much to ponder as I pray for my own children to have wisdom as they raise their children in a techno driven society that seems to prefer the virtual world to the real one and where the lines between reality and fiction seem to be blurring more and more. Alas, break is over..................

cataloging today

I need a neverending cuppa as I keyboard myself into oblivion................................................

Tuesday

Don't you love Tuesdays? You've come off of Monday and you know that Friday is coming and yet you still have the week to accomplish what you need to do. They say you shouldn't wish your life away by constantly looking forward; I love my job but it isn't my life and so I guess I am always looking forward to spending time in my life in the evenings and on the weekends and Thanksgiving break (going to see kids, yea!), Christmas break, Spring break, summer vacation....hey, there have to be some perks to working at a middle school with all of these darling, germ-ridden, future leaders and movers and shakers of the world. Coffee break's over..................

a few minutes.....

I am waiting for the girls basketball game to start so I can take some pictures for the yearbook. Yes, I am in charge of that for the 2nd year and am still learning InDesign, PhotoShop etc. It was more or less put on my plate last year and I didn't have a clue. I did learn a little bit so I decided that rather than have the stress year be in vain, I would actually take what I learned and apply it to this year's publication and maybe try to enjoy it a bit more and possibly teach the kids a thing or two. They seem to be doing well this year and I don't have the super clickers and deleters that I had last year. It is a creative outlet and I have been able to use my newfound knowledge to enhance the rest of the staff's enjoyment of being employed here. Last year we did a flat principal and flat vice-principal contest, secretly, with the staff on spring break. I snapped the pictures of the victims, whited out the background using the magic lasso tool, and then printed them on cardstock and gave a pair to each staff member. It was a hoot to see the situations they were placed in for the photo contest. Buried in the sand in Hawaii, laying on the bathroom floor of the cruise ship with an empty bottle of tequila, swimming in the Carribean and posing with grandchildren. We figured out we need to have fun around here or we may all go nuts. This year we have started with a guess who has this hairdo contest. Staff bring a picture of themselves with a "favorite" hairdo, I photoshop out their face and then we guess who it is based on the do. It has been great fun, especially when they were trying to guess the bald principal's picture with a full head of curly hair :) Must go photograph now......Happy Friday......